As a special needs mom whose son sometimes needs a wheelchair, I’ve noticed that passers seem curious about my son’s disability. From the confused look on their face, I can see them asking themselves, “This guy looks so normal. Why is he in a wheelchair?” Adults and kids alike are curious about disabilities as disability awareness is not taught much in school.
After seeing my son, Hayden, receive these curious glances, I asked myself this “If I were a parent to a young child, how would I help them better understand people with disabilities?” So, I went to the best places to look for answers – I sought the real perspectives of people with disabilities through groups and forums.
Here is what members from the disability community want parents to know:
How To Explain Differently Abled People To A Child
- “People with disabilities are just like you.”
- “Everyone has things that make them different and unique.”
- “Sometimes people’s bodies work differently, and that’s okay.”
- “Anyone can have a disability.”
- “Some people with disabilities use tools.”
People With Disabilities Are Just Like You
One of the best lessons you can teach your child is that people with disabilities are often just like them. Some people love to paint, others love to dance, and some enjoy watching your child’s favorite TV show. People with disabilities feel the same feelings as other people too.
It’s important that children understand that when someone has a disability, it doesn’t make them weird, bad, scary, or sick; it just means they may need extra assistance.
Everyone Has Things That Make Them Different And Unique
One of my favorite quotes is “Different Languages, Different Abilities, One Human Race”.
There are people all around the world that use different languages, have different talents, and different cultures. At the end of the day, we’re all one human race, and it’s up to each and every one of us to treat each other with kindness.
Sometimes A Person’s Body Works Differently, And That’s Okay
The simplest explanation to a child can be “their body works differently from ours, and that’s okay.” If your child has more questions on a specific type of disability, here are some simple explanations.
How To Explain A Learning Disability To Your Child
There are many ways you can explain a learning disability to your child. Here is just one example of something you could say:
“When a person has a learning disability, they may have difficulty learning in the same style as you. It may take them extra time to finish a homework assignment, or to read a chapter of a book.”
How To Explain A Neurological Disorder To Your Child
Neurological disorders can be harder to explain to your child. Many kids (and adults) can’t see a neurological disorder like you can with other disabilities.
This example is one way you could explain a neurological disorder to older kids:
“When someone has a neurological disorder, it means their brain, nervous system, or muscle cells work differently. They can have trouble moving their body and talking. They may also be sensitive to their environment.”
How To Explain Intellectual And Developmental Disabilities To Your Child
People with an intellectual or developmental disability (also called IDD) may be more challenging for kids to understand. People with these disabilities can have physical differences, such as people with Down Syndrome. Here is one simple way you can help explain an IDD to your child:
“A person with an intellectual or developmental disability is just like you and me, but they may need extra help with day-to-day activities. They may have physical differences and medical problems too.
It may take them longer to learn things, and they may communicate differently. However, people with intellectual and developmental disabilities can do a lot of the same things we can. They can go to school, get a job, and even get married.”
Anyone Can Have A Disability
It’s important for children to understand that anyone of any age can have a disability. Sometimes people are born with a disability. Other times, someone develops a disability when they’re older.
Not All Disabilities Are Visible
Another important lesson for kids is to understand that not all disabilities can be seen. There are disabilities like Epilepsy where you can’t see the person’s disability until they have a seizure. Also, someone can have more than one disability.
Some People Use Tools To Help Them
Many people with disabilities use assistive devices, mobility aids, and other forms of assistive technology. If your child has questions about assistive technology, you could try explaining it to them like this:
“Just like when you use a shopping cart to help you collect your grocery items, or you use a tablet to do your schoolwork, people with disabilities use tools to help them with daily life. These tools are called “Assistive Devices” or “Assistive Technology”.
Here are some examples of Assistive Technology:
- Wheelchairs
- Walkers
- Hearing Aids
- Augmentative And Alternative Communication (AAC) Devices
Wheelchairs
Here is one way you can simply explain wheelchairs to you child:
“Wheelchairs help people move freely. Just like you use your legs to run, people use wheelchairs to go from one place to the next. Some people use wheelchairs because they get tired when they walk for too long. And other people use wheelchairs because their muscles work differently. Sometimes a person’s brain has a hard time telling the muscles in the body what to do.”
Walkers
Here is one way you can explain walkers to young children:
“Walkers are similar to wheelchairs – they help a person move. Sometimes a person’s legs can move, but they need a little extra help. Using a walker helps to stop them from falling.”
Hearing Aids
Here is an example of how you can describe hearing aids to your child (note: it’s okay to let your child know if a person is deaf):
“People who have a hard time hearing use hearing aids to help them hear better.”
Augmentative And Alternative Communication (AAC) Devices
There is a wide variety of communication devices for people with speech difficulties. Here is one way you can simply explain AAC devices:
“For people with speech difficulties, there are devices to help them communicate. These devices are called an Aided AAC. People with speech difficulties can use symbol boards, communication books, choice cards and even apps on a tablet to help them communicate.”
Important Lessons For Kids To Know About Disabilities
As parents, it’s important for us to have open conversations with our kids about disabilities. Since kids and adults can feel nervous about interacting with people with disabilities, we created a guide to help you. All of the tips and advice below comes from diverse members of the disability community.
Here is a list of important lessons for kids to know about disabilities:
- It’s Okay (Even Encouraged) For Kids To Ask Questions
- It’s Okay For Kids To Notice Differences
- It’s Okay To Say Hello
- Be Yourself
- Always Be Kind
- People With Disabilities Want Friendships Too
- Being Different Is Okay
- People With Disabilities Are Often Ordinary
- People With Disabilities Have Strengths And Weaknesses Just Like Everyone Else
- People With Disabilities Have Some Limitations Or Do Things Differently
- Avoid Making Assumptions
- Maintain A Positive Attitude
It’s Okay (Even Encouraged) For Kids To Ask Questions
A lot of parents worry that by their kids approaching a complete stranger and asking questions about their disability, they will offend someone. In many cases, people with disabilities enjoy answering their questions. Kids are naturally curious, and it is important to make sure they understand people with disabilities. Differently-abled adults don’t appreciate it when random adults approach them with questions, but when kids ask, it’s another story.
It’s Okay For Kids To Notice Differences
While the end goal of many advocates in the disability community is full inclusion where everyone is treated equally, it’s okay that kids notice differences. On Quora, Ashleigh Barrie shares a story of how her son noticed someone’s disability, and engaged in a life-changing conversation:
“Kids notice when people are different from them, whether it’s gender, skin color, missing or injured body parts, or any other visible disability. The important thing is the way you respond to their curiosity. The first couple times it happened with my son, he specifically asked them why they were different from him. I remember the very first time he asked a woman why she only had one arm.
While I felt somewhat embarrassed, her response really put things in perspective for me. She answered kindly, and explained to him that when she was in her mom’s tummy, her body was made a little differently than other kids. She told him that when she was younger, she had to work harder to learn how to use her other arm instead, and that now, she can do things just as well as anyone else. My son just said “wow! That’s neat! Kind of like how I was a boy when I came out of my mom’s tummy and my sister was a girl!”
– Ashleigh Barrie on Quora
It’s Okay To Say Hello
Another important lesson is to demonstrate to kids that it’s okay to say hello to a person with a disability. Often, people feel nervous to interact with people with disabilities. While following the rules of common sense and “stranger danger”, let your child know it’s okay to say hello to a person with a disability. Many members of the disability community share that they often feel invisible. When you or your child takes time to acknowledge them, it often makes their day.
Be Yourself
While it is important to be understanding of a person’s communication needs, it is important to be yourself. People in the disability community share that when others see their disability, they are treated differently. The people they interact with seem awkward and tense. When your child is talking with a person with a disability, remind them to just be themselves (and of course, kind).
Always Be Kind
People with disabilities may communicate differently than a child is used to. It’s important that both you and your child remember to have patience and always be kind.
This point is especially important when it comes to bullying. Kids with disabilities are often bullied because they are seen as weak by their peers. Not only is this damaging to a child’s psyche, it could also put them in serious danger. Name calling is another extremely toxic form of bullying. Proper education about appropriate terminology in the disability community will help prevent causing unnecessary harm to a person with a disability.
To learn more about inclusive language, you can check out our free guide for inclusive language here.
People With Disabilities Want Friendships Too
For people with disabilities, making friends can be challenging. If someone has speech difficulties, trouble keeping eye contact, or sits away from large groups of people, it may appear that they just want to be left alone. And for many people with disabilities, this isn’t true. Sometimes people with disabilities want to make friends, but they just don’t know how.
When Hayden was in public school, he was mostly non-verbal. Several of his classmates could see the wonderful person he was, and included him in conversations and games, even when he couldn’t reply back.
Find Ways To Include People With Disabilities
One of the best ways to help your child understand people with disabilities is to include them in play. Sometimes kids can feel nervous about approaching someone with a disability because they are not sure how to communicate with them. One simple approach you can try is to invite the person with a disability to play together. With repetition, inviting people with disabilities to play will become natural for your child.
Being Different Is Okay
Another important lesson for kids is to learn to love and accept each other as they are. When kids learn to embrace differences, it helps to create a more inclusive world. It’s okay that some people have disabilities. Many people with disabilities are happy. Disabilities don’t have to be sad or scary. Remember that it’s okay to feel compassion when someone struggles with the symptoms of their disability, but having a disability doesn’t have to be sad.
People With Disabilities Are Often Ordinary
A common complaint I’ve heard from the disability community is that they don’t like it when others view them as “heroic” or “inspirational” just for living daily life. As a person without a disability, I find it inspiring that people with disabilities find workarounds to accommodate their needs in an uninclusive environment. Even with the help of the ADA, homes and many commercial buildings are not designed to accommodate people with disabilities (I say this as a former Property Manager of commercial real estate).
Here’s an example: Hayden’s seizures can happen at any time. Because of this, I need to know that my home is safe. When looking for a home, I tried to ensure that the house didn’t have stairs and that the bathrooms were spacious.
However, most builders do not design homes for people with disabilities in mind. My rental home is new construction and yet I consider the bathrooms a death trap for Hayden because of the small awkward footprint, given his needs. Because of this, every time he needs to use the bathroom he has to let me know so I can stand outside the door in case he goes into a seizure. To most 18 year old males, this would be an incredible lack of privacy, but Hayden’s positive attitude continues to inspire me. To him, it’s just the way life is. To me, it’s an incredible accommodation he makes in a world where the basic standard of living is not designed to support his needs.
People With Disabilities Have Strengths & Weaknesses Just Like Everyone Else
People of all ages and abilities have strengths and weaknesses. A person with a disability may have weak muscles, but they can have an intelligent mind. And a person with a disability may learn things slower, but be a weightlifter. If you are with your child and you see someone with a disability, it’s important to not make assumptions. People with disabilities can be strong and brilliant, just like everyone else.
People With Disabilities Have Some Limitations Or Do Things Differently
It’s important for kids to understand that while they want to include someone with a disability, they may not be able to participate in the same way. An example from my personal life is letting my family members know that it is not safe for Hayden to be out in the water with his Intractable Epilepsy. If he has a seizure in the water, it can be life threatening. However, we find other activities to enjoy together like hanging out at the beach and playing frisbee.
Maintain A Positive Attitude
If your child sees you have a negative response to a person with a disability, they will often associate a disability with negativity. Also, if you feel pity for a person with a disability, it will cause a similar effect. Remember to maintain a positive attitude when talking about disabilities. The more positive associations with disabilities the better!
Read Children’s Books That Include Characters With Disabilities
Another great way to help your child feel more comfortable around people with disabilities is to introduce disabilities to them at home through children’s books. When a child sees people with disabilities in their favorite books, it helps to build a positive image of disabilities.
Here are a few examples of children’s books (and series) that feature characters with disabilities:
- Hiya Moriah, by Victoria Nelson (find the book on Amazon here)
- I Am Me from A-Z, by Victoria Nelson (find the book on Amazon here)
- The Abilities in Me Book Series, by Gemma Keir (find the book on Amazon here)
- No Such Thing As Normal, by Megan DeJarrnett (find the book here)
- When Charley Met Emma, by Amy Webb (find the book on Amazon here)
- Just Ask, Sonia Sotomayor (find the book on Amazon here)
- Gary’s Gigantic Dream, by Dr. Nicole Julia (find the book on Amazon here)
A little known fact is that my kids and I also publish children’s books! Our picture book series, Tootsie & Wilson, is based on the special relationship between special needs siblings. The series was inspired by my daughter’s strong friendship with Hayden, and all of the wild imagination adventures they went on together. The character’s are also based on two real dogs that match Madeline and Hayden’s personalities almost perfectly. You can check out the first Tootsie & Wilson book on Amazon here.
Watch TV Shows That Include Characters With Disabilities
Expanding on the point above, having your child watch TV shows that include characters with disabilities is a fun way to teach disability awareness and inclusion.
Here is a list from The Mighty that shares Kids TV Shows Featuring Characters With Disabilities:
- Avatar: The Last Airbender
- Sesame Street
- Goldie & Bear
- Pablo
- Punky
- Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood
- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power
- Raising Dion
- The Healing Powers of Dude
- The Casagrandes
- Hardball
Be A Role Model Of Disability Inclusion For Your Child
The best way you can demonstrate to your child how to include people with disabilities is to demonstrate it through your actions. When you encounter someone with a disability, there is no need to directly point them out to your child. Children are very perceptive, and how you interact with a differently-abled person will show them what is appropriate. It will also help your child to feel comfortable around people with disabilities – something disability advocates are trying to accomplish.
Continue Educating Yourself About People With Disabilities
Another great way to help explain disabilities to your child is by continually educating yourself. We have created a series of articles to help you better understand and embrace the disability community. If you want to learn more about inclusive language, you can find our guide here. When you educate yourself and become a role model for your child, you are helping to pace the way for disability inclusion.
Conclusion
If you are a person with a disability, or a loved one to a person with a disability, what else would you like kids to know? How do you hope to see inclusion change for younger generations? You can reach out to us on Facebook and Instagram to share your thoughts.